go do what you do best...puke behind churches
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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