Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
