I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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