she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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