quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
