Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
