I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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