The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
