Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
