Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
