2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
