woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
