She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
