so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
