apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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