i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
