We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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