If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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