I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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