God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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