Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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