Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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