I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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