I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
