aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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