The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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