in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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