Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
