quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
