I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
