So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
