Just took my morning after pill in the library
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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