Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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