these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
