i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
