OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
