Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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