Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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