So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
