There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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