come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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