How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
