I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
