There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
