No awkward lesbian experiences without me
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
