You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
