Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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