when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
