I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
