oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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