She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
