Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
