my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
