Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
