WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
