mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
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