did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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