sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
