I must be too annoying 4 u.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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