please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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