you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
