Just cropdusted the office
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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