Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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