We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
