My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
