I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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