When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
